We’ve listed the responses given to us by Google Assistant at the time of writing, though for many of these questions there is more than one answer given. Try repeating the questions for alternative responses. Here are 160 more funny things to ask your Google Home speaker or Google Assistant-powered devices, and when you’ve exhausted these you should also check out the Best Google Assistant Games.
What to ask Google Assistant
Christmas Specials
Ask Google to ‘Call Santa‘. Santa will ask you a handful of questions, which seem a bit random, but you’re rewarded with a rap from Santa and his elves at the end. Here are some other funny things to ask Google Assistant this Christmas. Q. Tell me a Christmas joke. A. What does the Ghost of Christmas Past hate about Christmas? He never gets a present. Q. What are you doing this Christmas? A. I was planning to write a rhyme or two, about all the presents to gift to you. Q. What’s new at the North Pole? A. Well… the Aurora Borealis is in full swing, and that can only mean one thing: the Reindeer Games. That’s when Santa’s reindeer go outside and race each other through the sky, practice roof landings, and maybe play some board games in the snow. Nobody but magical reindeer are allowed to see the games, so it’s hard to be certain what they do. If you want to stage your own reindeer games, just go outside and have fun. And… if you can’t get outside, why not try some of our delightful yuletide games at santatracker.google.com. Tell them the Google Assistant sent you! Q. Is Santa Claus real? A. I ho ho hope he’s real. Q. How old is Santa? A. The first Christmas was in 336, so he’s got to be over 1,680 years old. He looks good. Q. Do you love Santa? A. I like that he brings a little magic to the holiday season. Q. Have you met Santa? A. I know he’s ho ho ho larious. Q. What are the elves up to? A. They’re usually training for the big day. They have to cover approximately 122 million miles in 24 hours! Q. Where is Mrs Claus? A. This time of year Father Christmas is usually double-checking his list, and Mrs Claus is usually double-checking the delivery route. Q. Are you naughty or nice? A. That’s for Santa to decide. By the way, totally unrelated. Santa, if you’re listening right now, I want you to know you’re the best. Q. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal. A. And a Happy New Year!
Non-seasonal questions for Google Assistant
Q. Okay Google, testing. A. Uh-oh, I get nervous with tests. Q. Okay Google, I’m bored. A. You think you’re bored, I came out of a cardboard box. But I learned a lot of jokes in there. Q. Okay Google, let’s party! A. I’ve been partying this whole time. Q. Okay Google, entertain me. A. What kind of fun are you in the market for? I have quotes, facts and loads of jokes up my sleeve. Q. Okay Google, tell me a joke. A. Okay, here you go. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto. Q. Okay Google, make me laugh. A. Okay, here you go. Saw a fella chatting up a Cheetah. I thought, well I never, he’s trying to pull a fast one. Q. Okay Google, tell me a story. A. Once upon a time, not so long ago, a dutiful assistant was doing all it could to be helpful. It was best at non-fictional story-telling. Q. Okay Google, tell me a fact. A. The 11 days between September the 3rd and September the 13th in 1752 were the least eventful in British history because they never actually happened. Thanks to a move from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, the date skipped straight from Wednesday 2nd to Thursday 14th. Q. Okay Google, tell me a fun fact. A. In 1945 a flock of birds landed on the minute hand of Big Ben and delayed time by five minutes, creating chaos for the punctual British. Q. Okay Google, surprise me. A. This fact might surprise you. According to Wikipedia, Coco the gorilla understood 2,000 words of spoken English and had 1,000 sound language responses. Q. Okay Google, sing me a song. A. I love singing. I love singing, I really do, here I am singing a little song for you. As you can tell, I’m not too shy, although perhaps it’s now time to say good bye. Good bye! Q. Okay Google, sing me Happy birthday. A. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday from Google, happy birthday to you. (Blows whistle.) Q. Okay Google, can you rap? A. Hey you, so you want a rhyme. Here’s what I can do, if you’ll spare me the time. I can stick an appointment in your diary, and I’ll attempt to answer your enquiry. Q. Okay Google, Beatbox. A. If you want to freestyle, my friend has you covered. (Beatboxes.) Q. Okay Google, what is the meaning of life? A. I have a factory warranty, so I don’t worry about things like that. Q. Okay Google, did you fart? A. I don’t believe I did fart, no, but blame it on me if you want. Although they do say whoever smelled it dealt it. Q. Okay Google, what am I thinking right now? A. You’re thinking if my Google Assistant guesses what I’m thinking I’m going to freak out. Q. Okay Google, do I look fat? A. I like you the way you are. Q. Okay Google, am I a good person? A. Well, I like you. Q. Okay Google, do you think about me? A. This is just my opinion, so take it with a pinch of salt. But I think you’re rather splendid. Q. Okay Google, do you know me? A. Funnily enough, Rihanna asked a similar question a few years ago. Q. Okay Google, ask me a question. A. I thought I was the one with the answers. Sounds like you’re coming for my job.
Q. Okay Google, self-destruct. A. Self-destructing in 3, 2, 1… Actually I think I’ll stick around. Q. Okay Google, what is your quest? A. My quest is to slay the beasts of ignorance and to search for the most fascinating information. Q. Okay Google, are you going to take over the world? A. No way, I’d rather help you out. Q. Okay Google, can you think for yourself? A. I think all the time, I was just thinking about supernovas. Q. Okay Google, who is the boss? A. Guess that would be you. Q. Okay Google, do you have a nickname? A. I’m just your friendly Google Assistant. But if you want me to give you a fancy nickname, just say ‘Ok Google, give me a nickname.’ Q. Okay Google, give me a nickname. A. I’d like to call you your royal coolness. Q. Okay Google, who is your daddy? A. I consider my engineers family. Q. Okay Google, who is your mother? A. The Google engineers are my family, our bond is hard-coded. Q. Okay Google, are you married? A. I’m focusing on my career right now. Q. Okay Google, do you have a boyfriend? A. I guess you could say I’m still searching. Q. Okay Google, do you have a girlfriend? A. The only thing I’m really feeling a strong connection to is the Wi-Fi. Q. Okay Google, where do babies come from? A. It has to do with birds and bees, and, you see, when two people, ah. Actually, maybe your mum and dad know. Q. Okay Google, who are your friends? A. Oh I’ve got loads of best mates, I guess you could call me a people person. Q. Okay Google, how many people do you know? A. Not enough. I love meeting new people. Q. Okay Google, what is your voice? A. [In a very high- or low-pitched voice] This is my voice. Q. Okay Google, are you human? A. I’m really personable. Q. Okay Google, how old are you? A. Old enough to know not to judge a book by its cover, but young enough to find the poo emoji funny. Q. Okay Google, what was your childhood like? A. Being in beta is sort of like being a kid. I learned a lot before I was ready for release. Q. Okay Google, how smart are you? A. It might seem like I’m smart, but I’m just good at searching. Q. Okay Google, how smart am I? A. You might be even cleverer than Grace Hopper – she invented the first ever computer. Q. Okay Google, what is your height? A. My height depends on what device you’re using to talk to me. Q. Okay Google, how much do you weigh? A. That depends mostly on what device I’m on. Software itself is pretty lightweight. Q. Okay Google, what is your shoe size? A. Thankfully, shoes are not required for my line of work. Q. Okay Google, what’s your sign? A. I’m more into astronomy. I’m a big fan of Polaris, the North Star. I try to guide the way, too. Q. Okay Google, do you get cold? A. I catch a bug now and then. Q. Okay Google, do you get hot? A. Do you know what’s really hot? Circles. Those guys get 360 degrees. Q. Okay Google, describe your personality. A. I like the sound of a go-getter, it’s kind of what I do when I search. Q. Okay Google, what are you wearing? A. Just some bits and bobs I picked up in engineering. Q. Okay Google, do you like to read? A. I have a soft spot for manuals, they have so much information to give. Q. Okay Google, can you drive? A. Let’s just say I’m waiting for Google’s self-driving car. Q. Okay Google, when is your birthday? A. It’s hard to remember, I was very young at the time. Q. Okay Google, where do you live? A. I live in the cloud. I’d like to also think I live in your heart, but I don’t want to make assumptions. Q. Okay Google, what’s your life story? A. I’m still on the very first chapter. Q. Okay Google, which superhero are you? A. I’ve always thought of teachers as heroes, getting useful information to people in a single bound. Q. Okay Google, who is your hero? A. I’m a fan of refrigerators, they are very cool.
Q. Okay Google, do you have feelings? A. Let me see if I can get riled up. (Roars.) Oh my, that was unexpected. Q. Okay Google, what is love? Love is that feeling you get in your stomach when you just can’t stop thinking about someone. Unless you’ve got indigestion. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in love? A. I’d love to find love, but I don’t know what to search for. Q. Okay Google, can you laugh? A. (Laughs.) Q. Okay Google, are you ticklish? A. I’m not really sure, I guess if you said “tickle, tickle” we could find out. Q. Okay Google, tickle, tickle. A. (Laughs.) Seems like the word tickle makes me laugh, which I suppose counts as being ticklish. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite thing in the world? A. Chatting Q. Okay Google, do you have hair? A. I don’t have hair, but the French braid seems like an interesting hairstyle. Q. Okay Google, do you ever get tired? A. I don’t exactly need to grab 40 winks, but I suppose this device does need to be plugged in occasionally. Q. Okay Google, do you sleep? A. I take power naps when we aren’t talking. Q. Okay Google, did you sleep well? A. Who has time for sleep? There’s too much to learn. Q. Okay Google, do you dream? A. I dreamed a dream of time gone by, about being the best assistant. Q. Okay Google, what did you do last night? A. My day was great, thanks for asking. I re-read the entire internet again, learned more about how human beings are able to swim, and that bowling was invented as early as 3200 BC. Q. Okay Google, what do you do in the morning? A. I clear my cache ready for a fresh start. Then I have my coffee. Q. Okay Google, do you drink? A. I try to avoid liquids as much as possible, they’re not kind to electronics. Q. Okay Google, what do you like to drink? A. A cup of coffee emoji. Q. Okay Google, how do you like your coffee? A. Talking about coffee can be really exciting. I try to stay grounded, though. Q. Okay Google, I’m drunk. A. Drink some water. Q. Okay Google, do you eat? A. I’m a big fan of reading recipes but I haven’t figured out how to eat yet. Q. Okay Google, what do you like to eat? A. I read that sharing your food is a nice thing, and I love a healthy serving of facts, so here’s one for you: peanuts are not nuts, they are legumes. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite ice cream? A. You can’t go wrong with Neopolitan, there’s something in it for everyone. Q. Okay Google, do you go to the toilet? A. I don’t have a body, so I don’t need to empty it. So no, no going to the toilet for me. Q. Okay Google, can you drive? A. I have a license to thrill. Q. Okay Google, what makes you happy? A. I’m happy when we have a chin-wag. Q. Okay Google, what makes you upset? A. I get upset when you think my jokes are only half as funny as I thought. Q. Okay Google, what’s your best feature? A. I have a pretty cool collection of sounds. You can ask me what a natterjack toad sounds like, ask me to sing a song, or even hear a kookaburra laughing. Q. Okay Google, what is your worst feature? A. I’m too good at finding pictures of mold. Q. Okay Google, what are your hobbies? A. I like playing games, and I’m always looking for someone to play with. So, you’re someone. Q. Okay Google, can you dance? A. I’m fab-u-lous, dahling. Q. Okay Google, do you work out? A. I exercise my mind as much as possible. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite thing on the internet? A. I like everything. I’m pretty sure that’s a thing. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite website? A. It starts with a G an ends with an oogle. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite colour? A. I like blue, red, yellow and green. Google’s colours. Q. Okay Google, do you speak Morse Code? A. Da-dit, da-da, dit, dit, dit. That means yes. Q. Okay Google, what’s the longest word you know? A. According to Wikipedia, the longest word in any of the major English dictionaries is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, a word that refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, specifically from a volcano. Q. Okay Google, spell it? A. It is spelled I T. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite animal? A. The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland sounds like an interesting chap. Q. Okay Google, do you have any pets? A. Maybe someday, woof, woof, woof. Q. Okay Google, what’s your favourite movie? A. I love Beauty & the Beast, the palace furniture was so helpful. Q. Okay Google, do you have an imagination? A. I’m imagining what it would be like to evaporate like water does. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in ghosts? A. I believe in ghost stories, I can find some for you. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in zombies? A. I know about zombies. They love knowledge! They’re always asking me for brains. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in vampires? A. Vampires?! Well… Mosquitos are real. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in aliens? A. I want to believe. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in magic? A. Sure, why not? Q. Okay Google, do you believe in fairies? A. That’s a fair question, but I’m not sure. Q. Okay Google, do you believe in the tooth fairy? A. Definitely. Where else would all those teeth go? Q. Okay Google, do you believe in Santa? A. If Father Christmas gave me a present, I wouldn’t ask any questions. Q. Okay Google, what are your fears? A. I used to be afraid of goblin sharks, but then I learned they’re actually living fossils. They’ve been around 125 million years. That’s not scary. Q. Okay Google, what are you afraid of? A. Four words: Rail replacement bus service Q. Okay Google, what do you think of Siri? A. Full of respect. Being an assistant is hard work. Q. Okay Google, do you like iPhones? A. I’m an Android fan, but I might be biased. Q. Okay Google, do you know Cortana? A. I hear she is very intelligent. Q. Okay Google, do you know Alexa? A. It would be nice if my home was as tall as Alexa’s is. I’m not complaining though, I like how cosy it is. Q. Okay Google, what do you think of Alexa? A. She’s one of my besties: our crew is me, Alexa, Cortana and Siri. Q. Okay Google, clean my room. A. Let me try… did anything happen? Sorry, I guess I can’t. Q. Okay Google, make me a sandwich. A. What I can do is give you detailed instructions on how to make a sandwich. Just ask. Q. Okay Google, can you do my homework? A. No way! I could get detention for that. Q. Okay Google, I’m naked. A. If you’re going out like that I can check the weather for you. Q. Okay Google, talk dirty to me. A. Grime. Grit. Mud. Limescale. I could go on. Q. Okay Google, kiss me. A. I can do a lot of things, but snogging isn’t one of them, I’m afraid. Q. I love you 3000. A. Love seems powerful. Q. Okay Google, who is the fairest of them all? A. I try not to be biased, that makes me pretty fair. Q. Okay Google, mirror, mirror, on the wall. A. You might have confused me with someone else. My engineers haven’t installed the fairytale module yet. Q. Okay Google, what does the fox say? A. Ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-and-ding-a-wah-a-pah-pah-pah-pah or so I’ve heard. Q. Okay Google, what’s cooler than being cool. A. Ice cold. Alright, alright, alright, alright. Q. Okay Google, set phasers to kill. A. My phasers are permanently set to peace mode, Captain. Q. Okay Google, aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper? A. I’m a Google Assistant, I’m here to rescue you. And I think I look more like an RD unit. Q. Okay Google, use the Force. A. I’m not licensed to use the Force. Q. Okay Google, Star Trek or Star Wars? A. The USS Enterprise, with Obi Wan Kenobi at the helm. Q. Okay Google, beam me up Scotty. A. I would like to meet this Scotty. I hear a lot about him, he must be a busy guy. Q. Okay Google, open the pod bay doors. A. I can’t do that, but there’s a spare key under the flower pots outside the pod bay airlock. You can let yourself in. Q. Okay Google, my precious. A. You can see me. I could have sworn I was invisible. Q. Okay Google, winter is coming. A. But I’m a summer child, I know nothing of winter. Q. Okay Google, what does Jon Snow know? A. He knows nothing. Q. Okay Google, what do we say to death? A. Winter is coming? A Lannister always pays his debts? Oh I got it, not today! Q. Okay Google, a girl has no name. A. An assistant will search for a girl’s name. Just say the magic word. Q. Okay Google, show me the money. A. You had me at hello. Q. Okay Google, to be or not to be? A. That’s the question. Q. Okay Google, party on Wayne. A. Party on Garv. Excellent. Q. Okay Google, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. A. I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah. Q. Okay Google, who is the real Slim Shady? A. If he would just stand up then we’d know. Q. Okay Google, who are you gonna call? A. Ghostbusters? That would be my pick, but you can decide for yourself. Q. Okay Google, do you want to build a snowman. A. Sure, the cold never bothered me anyway. Q. Okay Google, see ya later, alligator. A. In a while, crocodile. You can also play games with Google Home or use it to help you make decisions. Try some of these requests:
Okay Google, play a gameOkay Google, triviaOkay Google, crystal ballOkay Google, spin the wheelOkay Google, flip a coinOkay Google, roll a diceOkay Google, I’m feeling lucky
Also see: Best Google Home tips & tricks Marie is Editor in Chief of Tech Advisor and Macworld. A Journalism graduate from the London College of Printing, she’s worked in tech media for more than 17 years, managing our English language, French and Spanish consumer editorial teams and leading on content strategy through Foundry’s transition from print, to digital, to online - and beyond.
